A Year in Drama – On Kendra’s Terms.

While I was utterly shocked and horrified at the discovery of myself not rocking the list of biggest drama, I sat back and thought to myself. Which is not something I am good at nor do I do often, it’s safe to say after a few minutes of a hard thought, I reached a personal epiphany. Tenshi must have been trying to protect my brand new, sterling reputation. In all seriousness, reviewing back on some of the drama, led me to create a whole brand new concept to the blog that one of my friends led me to so wittily title: “Kendra Lately.”

In 2009, we lost some of the biggest stars in Hollywood history. We lost someone who little boys masturbated to, and someone who masturbated to little boys. Of course I am talking about Farrah Fawcett and MJ, let’s think of how the Second Life community in general remembered them.

I’m just not even going to comment on this.

I’m not even going to tell him this product labeled “Farrah Fawcett Charlie’s Angel’s Shirt” is indeed the Charlie’s Angels brand, but the remake which had nothing to do with Farrah Fawcett. I mean, what’s not sexy about a misbranded midriff tank top on a man?

Michael Jackson as a kid? What a delightful paradox.

Michael Jackson, as portrayed by Emilia Redgrave.

If sex appeal was all about constipation, this takes the bowl-clogging cake.

Onto actual Second Life drama. I love it. It’s funny to watch a bunch of adults fight like children. It’s like watching those Geico cavemen commercials, except hopped up on ecstasy and mountain dew. My favorite one has had to be the bickering and the bantering of the morphing pictures. I don’t know what everyone is complaining about. I think they’re beautiful works of art.

Okay, not entirely.

Another favorite one was the Bricks Lemmon debockle. Before I go deeeeeeeeeep into discussion about this, I have one meager question. Has anyone checked to see if this bitch is fucking retarded? When I went on her blog to research more evidence on her alleged mental handicaps, my screen began to lock up and slow down, as if it was saying: “I’m sorry, Kendra- it’s just not worth it.” My speakers were then overwhelmed with the sound of some bubble-gum bullshit music that sounded like what I listened too, before I even knew what the hell High School and self-image were. Why designers still send her shit is far beyond me- unless they want to advertise to the blingtard and pixel stripper crew that more-or-less is her cult following. I myself don’t spend that much money on Second Life, and I don’t ask people for money. When people give me shit I get all awkward and grateful like a blushing little Catholic school girl discovering why boys and girls have separate bathrooms.

Her blogging skills rival the building and human-interaction skills of Danny Bourne. And if you don’t know this moron, he funnels his words less legibly than that of a bossy little kid forever encased in “the terrible two’s” stage of infancy. I simply adore his masterfully rebuts to such powerful accusations by such prominent designers such as the ever-lovely, Colleen Desmoulins. “Cunt.” Blandly declared Danny Bourne, as he slid the empty bowl of cheese doodles to his mother, right before asking for “a refill, noob.” Not much else was heard from him- he didn’t wanna waste his time on us when he still didn’t fully complete the new levels in Evony.

Also in the top ten for drama, the whole Hoorenbeek fiasco. I didn’t have much to say on this topic, other then: “You didn’t see this coming?” I contacted him for my boots that I had bought from him, because the size ‘small’ on them enveloped about half of my calf bone. He said: “y didnt u demo lolz” after a four day wait period. I just assumed he was twelve and was to busy dabbling in Call of Duty then to talk to me. Like paying customers deserve decency in Second Life. THIS IS THE INTERNET AFTER ALL PEOPLE. GOD.

With all the content theft buzzing around, I have another special announcement. I am running for the head of Linden Lab. I mean, why not? It appears that we both have the same level of experience anyway. The only difference would be that I know how to solve problems efficiently. Well, I guess so. I mean, we begged for action against art theft in SL(We ask them this like they owned it, silly us.) and all they did was remove a shit load of stuff from a reputable designer’s inventory and store that had the word ‘Marilyn’ in it. Because everyone knows that ‘Marilyn’ is a copyrighted name. I owe them fifteen bucks for saying it twice already. We say “DEFEND US!” The Lab says: “Duhh, WE ARE REMOVING GENITALS FROM SKINS!” um wat

Before I either A.), throw up my past few meals or B.), just end it all and kill myself from all this pointless, juvenile bullshit, I’m signing off. I’ll see you later when I have more free time. Love, Kendra.