A Year in Drama – On Kendra’s Terms.
While I was utterly shocked and horrified at the discovery of myself not rocking the list of biggest drama, I sat back and thought to myself. Which is not something I am good at nor do I do often, it’s safe to say after a few minutes of a hard thought, I reached a personal epiphany. Tenshi must have been trying to protect my brand new, sterling reputation. In all seriousness, reviewing back on some of the drama, led me to create a whole brand new concept to the blog that one of my friends led me to so wittily title: “Kendra Lately.”
In 2009, we lost some of the biggest stars in Hollywood history. We lost someone who little boys masturbated to, and someone who masturbated to little boys. Of course I am talking about Farrah Fawcett and MJ, let’s think of how the Second Life community in general remembered them.
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- I’m just not even going to comment on this.
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- I’m not even going to tell him this product labeled “Farrah Fawcett Charlie’s Angel’s Shirt” is indeed the Charlie’s Angels brand, but the remake which had nothing to do with Farrah Fawcett. I mean, what’s not sexy about a misbranded midriff tank top on a man?
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- Michael Jackson as a kid? What a delightful paradox.
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- Michael Jackson, as portrayed by Emilia Redgrave.
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- If sex appeal was all about constipation, this takes the bowl-clogging cake.
Onto actual Second Life drama. I love it. It’s funny to watch a bunch of adults fight like children. It’s like watching those Geico cavemen commercials, except hopped up on ecstasy and mountain dew. My favorite one has had to be the bickering and the bantering of the morphing pictures. I don’t know what everyone is complaining about. I think they’re beautiful works of art.
Okay, not entirely.
Another favorite one was the Bricks Lemmon debockle. Before I go deeeeeeeeeep into discussion about this, I have one meager question. Has anyone checked to see if this bitch is fucking retarded? When I went on her blog to research more evidence on her alleged mental handicaps, my screen began to lock up and slow down, as if it was saying: “I’m sorry, Kendra- it’s just not worth it.” My speakers were then overwhelmed with the sound of some bubble-gum bullshit music that sounded like what I listened too, before I even knew what the hell High School and self-image were. Why designers still send her shit is far beyond me- unless they want to advertise to the blingtard and pixel stripper crew that more-or-less is her cult following. I myself don’t spend that much money on Second Life, and I don’t ask people for money. When people give me shit I get all awkward and grateful like a blushing little Catholic school girl discovering why boys and girls have separate bathrooms.
Her blogging skills rival the building and human-interaction skills of Danny Bourne. And if you don’t know this moron, he funnels his words less legibly than that of a bossy little kid forever encased in “the terrible two’s” stage of infancy. I simply adore his masterfully rebuts to such powerful accusations by such prominent designers such as the ever-lovely, Colleen Desmoulins. “Cunt.” Blandly declared Danny Bourne, as he slid the empty bowl of cheese doodles to his mother, right before asking for “a refill, noob.” Not much else was heard from him- he didn’t wanna waste his time on us when he still didn’t fully complete the new levels in Evony.
Also in the top ten for drama, the whole Hoorenbeek fiasco. I didn’t have much to say on this topic, other then: “You didn’t see this coming?” I contacted him for my boots that I had bought from him, because the size ‘small’ on them enveloped about half of my calf bone. He said: “y didnt u demo lolz” after a four day wait period. I just assumed he was twelve and was to busy dabbling in Call of Duty then to talk to me. Like paying customers deserve decency in Second Life. THIS IS THE INTERNET AFTER ALL PEOPLE. GOD.
With all the content theft buzzing around, I have another special announcement. I am running for the head of Linden Lab. I mean, why not? It appears that we both have the same level of experience anyway. The only difference would be that I know how to solve problems efficiently. Well, I guess so. I mean, we begged for action against art theft in SL(We ask them this like they owned it, silly us.) and all they did was remove a shit load of stuff from a reputable designer’s inventory and store that had the word ‘Marilyn’ in it. Because everyone knows that ‘Marilyn’ is a copyrighted name. I owe them fifteen bucks for saying it twice already. We say “DEFEND US!” The Lab says: “Duhh, WE ARE REMOVING GENITALS FROM SKINS!” um wat
Before I either A.), throw up my past few meals or B.), just end it all and kill myself from all this pointless, juvenile bullshit, I’m signing off. I’ll see you later when I have more free time. Love, Kendra.
It’s an Oral Pleasure to Meet You.
Why, hello there. I’m Kendra Coakes, and this is my first time at attempting an actual blog. Let me start off introducing myself by informing you that I’m sarcastic, and I’m not saying this like some brat going for the ‘SL BITCH’ image. I’m not narcissistic, that’s all sarcasm, too. If you as a person can not comprehend sarcasm, it’s better off you don’t read this blog.
On the brighter side, one of my joys is making people laugh. If I can do that, then I’ve made us both happy. Maybe a little sexually on my part- who knows, let’s see.
Waiting to start my soon to be booming blog, I figured I’d start off with a small leap. Being the benevolent faghag I am, I asked one of my gay ho’s to guest spot on my first post to broadcast our impeccable fashion skills. He is a girlface here, because we’re showing off how delightfully and visually stunning these new skins are. This is definitely the best introductory skin line yet in Second Life, hands down.
Click on pics to enlarge, my lovely cohorts, and marvel out our astounding beauty. Our computers suck so don’t mind the quality, but our angelic faces prevail.
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- My buttocks look like two peaches conoodling on the beach, just how I like it.
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- Have you ever seen such graceful, succulent little nipples?
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- The skin looks absolutely beautiful.
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- Even with minimal make up.
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- Beauty in action. He’s leaning back because my av farted. He’s pretty though.
If your eyes haven’t bmelted out of your skull from the blinding light of our copious amounts of beauty, you could clearly see that these are worth~ da~ munay~. Did I mention da munnay~ is only 800L?
I promise not every post will be smearing my cheap lipstick on the designer’s ass, but I really have no critiques about this skin. If hand drawn skins are your bag, this is your over the Designer Gucci overnight bag, baby.
Wow. I actually battled my limited attention span, while listening to Meredith Viera’s life story, and finished my first blog post that isn’t making fun of anyone! Even if you hate me dearly, you gotta like, pat me on the back for that one. I’ll see you next time, lovars. <3.
::Style Notez::
On Tracey-Poo:
Skin: -tb- Hiccup Tan Skin – Swoon (light thick brows)
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